A Broken Thanksgiving
Posted on: 26/11/2015
Today November 26, 2015. My 7th Thanksgiving here in the US. Just like last year’s I feel broken inside. My last holiday was a total mess. I was struggling. My friends didn’t know what I was going through, but they certainly saw in my face that something was not right. One of the most typical and charming holidays of the year “Thanksgiving” didn’t affected me that day. I never thought I would catch myself faking smiles, hugs, love and my precious happiness. Sadly, that was my awful Thanksgiving of 2014. It will sound hypocritical, but I could definitely not be thankful for anything in my life at the moment. What is different now? What should I thank this year for? My life? My health? My family? My friends? My job? Hypocritically, I don’t know what exactly to be thankful for. Because all the things that I just mentioned is part of the every day routine of giving thanks. It is true that majority of times I just wanna say fuck to everything and run away to start fresh. Why? As humans begins, we tend to complain every time the situation doesn’t suit our desires. It is “normal”. However, “there is still hope” or that is what people try to believe. Maybe. Just maybe. I don’t know anymore. I lost 95% of my hopes in a lot of stuff. I’ve become hopeless and insensitive. I chose to not be lead by emotions and unsupported stories anymore. I’m sorry, but I can’t. A lot of people will totally disagree with me today, mainly because they can still see the beautiful side of life. Just keep in mind that I’ve been fooled by my own choices and the good side of me has partially gone because of a deep scar in my heart. I’m not a bad person, but I’m just more realistic now. Maybe I’ll find a reason to be thankful today. In the end, I still have that 5% that still wants to hold on to something.
JL 
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