The Aftermath
Posted on: 01/05/2015
A lot has been going on since my last post. This 2015 must be the year which I’ll try to bend the uncertain a lit bit and just go with the flow. But this will certainly be a hard mission because as most people know I love being in control of every situation. Why? Cause its simple to depend on me only. I know what to expect from myself and I also know that I’ll do my best to accomplish whatever I put my efforts on. I’m tired of people letting me down for stupid and ridiculous situations. But you know what… this is life. We were not meant to live by ourselves only; there are other people around for a reason. I’ve noticed that people are either a blessing or a lesson in our lives. I know for sure that no sad story is forever, and majority of happy moments are short… but no matter what the case may be each person that shows up in your life is unique.
As I stated before, I’m powerless. And for the first time I feel like I don’t need to control all around me yet I still want to keep all under my orders. I’ve been stressed too much for too long and for what reason? There is no benefit on it at all. As I’m getting older I’m realizing that little girl inside me got lost somewhere along the way and with that some of my beliefs as well. Humanity is too selfish and hypocrite and I am too tired of confirming it. Yet, I don’t know why I still want to see the goodness in people’s heart, because I know it’s a utopia and I’ve been too damaged to recognize it. People only believe or see what it is convenient for their own eyes.
Sometimes is harder for me to say what I really want to say. It’s incredible how I hurt people within what I say, then what I actually do. Shame on me! Nobody gets it and neither do I. It might be a protective mode or maybe that’s the way I found to keep what I don’t want to face away from me. I do not know how to explain some reactions of mine or my intriguing behavior. Although, I’m 1000% into helping my friends, I’m -1000% likely to not accept help from others. Again, it is the issue of not letting people in because of the destructiveness it or I can cause. Yes, I’ve built a barrier between my perspectives and reality. Nothing is what it seems to be. Nobody can be judged, yet we all are some way/somehow. What is wrong with honesty and respect? I’’ tell you…Nowadays it can be found in the depth of a garbage can. Society is so promiscuous, selfish and simulated. People hurt who don’t deserve. And I’m included on the math. But I don’t hurt because it is funny or I enjoy it. I hurt because I don’t want to take the long run anymore. I adapt to not attach, not care and to be less involved. It is sad to say that I’m colder than before. And the saddest part is that I’m not willing to make a change on that. This might be temporary, and I know it will take a long time to recover. For the moment, I don’t care. I can’t change whoever is around me or the world. It’s a vain cause. I can only change my perspectives and that’s enough for now.
There will be no kiss on this post. End of transmission.
JL 
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